Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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