Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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