Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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