How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I AM VODKA MAN
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
