I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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