Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
