then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize