Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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