mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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