Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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