sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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