i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
