Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
