I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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