No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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