So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
