I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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