I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
