Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
