you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize