I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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