her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love having hate sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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