What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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