That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
