Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
