Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
