if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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