So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
