I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
