I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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