would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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