is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
