threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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