she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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