He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
