went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
