I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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