names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
