so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
