Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Holy shit dude........stairs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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