we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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