So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
