i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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