it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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