im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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