guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
