apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
