dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love you.
Bad choice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
