idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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