Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
