it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
