Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
