I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize