Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
