She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
