just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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