so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
