we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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