I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
