WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
