where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
