I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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