insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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