I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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