No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
