We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
