I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
